Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico
by NeverCutsTwice
Summary: Nine individual people, with separate but dangerous personalities and mental states, join together through strange means and create a criminal organization. Contains blood and gore, strong language, and drugrelated and sexual references.
1. Phase 1: Initium

This story is told in a non-linear format, meaning I'll jump around to different character plot lines, and some events may occur out of order. (If you've seen Quentin Tarantino movies, you'll understand.) Also, the title is Latin for, "Slaughter, Destroy."

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Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 1

He sits on his bed, staring out of the single window. He sees a full moon. He begins to mutter to himself, in a monotonous tone.

Man: We're getting tired of being here. It's not good for our thinking.

He begins to speak again, but without the monotone.

Man: That's why they put us in here. They said we were too dangerous to be around normal humans.

He is in a mental institute for the criminally insane. He has Dissociative Identity Disorder. He also looks very bizarre. One half of his body is pure white, the other pure black. He has yellow eyes, and moss green hair. Most of his body is surrounded by a large carnivorous plant. His name is Zetsu.

Zetsu Black Half: It doesn't matter what they say. We can do as we please.

Zetsu White Half: That sort of thinking got us in here.

Zetsu Black: There's nothing wrong with having a good meal. We need to eat too.

Zetsu White: You know they don't like when we eat other people.

Zetsu Black: That's a shame.

Zetsu White: That is a shame.

He looks away from the window, towards the ceiling.

Zetsu White: They aren't very smart.

Zetsu Black: They don't know us at all.

He looks back towards the window.

Zetsu Black: We devour anything, flesh or not.

Zetsu White: Escape will be simple.

Zetsu Black: Because we are tired of being here.

Zetsu White: Yes, it's bad for our thinking.

The time is 3:27 AM. Two men cautiously walk out of a back door in an alley. They are both wearing clean black business suits. One man has long, black hair, and deep, strange red eyes. The other is tall, with odd blue skin, dark blue hair, and small, unblinking eyes. The former is Uchiha Itachi, and the latter is Hoshigaki Kisame.

Itachi: The Leader says the guy is currently in the Fire Country.

Kisame: That's a bit far to travel, don't you think?

Itachi: It doesn't matter. We need to get there before Leader's rival does.

Kisame: Remind me why I got into this line of work again.

Itachi: You've murdered many civilians, policemen, and agents in your home city. You were banned from there, and needed some sort of employment that didn't mind if you hurt people.

Kisame: It actually encourages it.

Itachi: Is that a problem?

Kisame: Sometimes I think it is... Other times, I just try to enjoy it.

Itachi: It's just part of our jobs. You don't have to feel guilty about it.

Kisame: ... So where exactly in the Fire Country is this kid?

Itachi: The City in the Leaves.

Kisame: Konoha city? Isn't that your home?

Itachi: My former home, yes.

Kisame: We'll have to be extra cautious then, won't we?

Itachi: Why? We can handle them.

Kisame: I suppose so. You wouldn't be too worried... You DID slaughter your entire family, after all, save for your younger brother. Why did you let him live, anyway?

Itachi: I have my reasons.

Kisame: I suppose that's your way of saying, "I don't want to discuss it."

Itachi: Standing here talking is getting us nowhere. We need to find our target as quickly as possible.

Kisame: I know, I know...

The two jumped on the rooftop of the building the exited from and jumped to the next roof. They continued to travel across the roofs, making their way to the City in the Leaves.


	2. Phase 2: Contendo

This chapter contains ritualistic violence and other content that may be deemed offensive. You've been warned, so don't complain on the reviews.

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Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 2

Elsewhere, in the outskirts of the City of Rock, a man sits inside an abandoned house. He's angrily muttering to himself, hands clenched together. Across the room, another man is stacking blocks of hardened clay in a vertical pile on a table in front of him. The first man is an artist from the city, who has been having bad luck. He submits his work to several galleries, but none of them will accept his submissions. This fact has left him frustrated and disgruntled. His name is Deidara.

Deidara: Tobi?

The other man continues to stack the blocks.

Deidara: (In a harsher tone) Tobi.

Tobi continues to ignore Deidara.

Deidara: What are you doing over there?

Tobi finally responds.

Tobi: He's stacking.

Deidara: Why the hell are you always doing weird crap like that?

Tobi shrugs his shoulders.

Deidara: You could at least look at me when you talk.

Tobi has a strange orange mask that obscures his entire face, with one eye hole. There are swirl lines that center around the eye. He slowly raises his head and looks in Deidara's direction.

Tobi: He's having fun.

Deidara: Goddamn it Tobi, can't you see it's not the time to be goofing off?!

Tobi: Isn't Deidara-senpai having fun?

Deidara: Does it LOOK like I'm having fun?! HUH?! And stop stacking stuff all the time, it's weird! It's always at the same time every day, too! What's wrong with you?!

Tobi looks back down at the table. He begins to take more blocks and line them up horizontally on the table.

Deidara: Forget it. Trying to talk to you is useless.

Tobi is autistic. Deidara is well aware of this fact, but he belittles him in his own anger.

Tobi: He's sorry, but he doesn't understand what's wrong with you.

Deidara: I know you don't mean that.

Tobi cocks his head to one side.

Deidara: You're not sorry. You don't know how to feel sorry, or angry, or anything.

Tobi continues to line up the blocks.

Deidara: I just can't understand why those bastards don't appreciate my artistic abilities. I'm better than all of them combined! Those paintings aren't art! Those pathetic things they call "art" are a joke! THIS is art!

Deidara unclenches his hands and reveals a small clay figure that resembles a hawk. He throws it into the air. It flies for a few brief moments, then explodes without warning. The explosion is small, so neither man is harmed.

Tobi: That's dumb. It just blows up.

Deidara: No one asked you, retard.

Tobi: He's not retarted.

Deidara: Don't try to act offended. You don't know what it's like to have emotions.

Tobi gets up from where he's sitting and walks towards the door.

Deidara: Where are you going?

Tobi: He doesn't know.

Deidara: You won't last very long on your own, you know.

Tobi doesn't say a word. He opens the door and leaves Deidara alone in the house.

Deidara: Oh well. Who needs him anyway? He was a bother. I can carry out my plans alone. I'll show those morons in the city... I'll show them what true art is!

In an unknown location, somewhere near the Fire Country, a man lays still on the ground. He has large pikes protruding from his forearms, calves, and chest. Around him is a large circle, painted on the ground in blood. Candles are lit around the circle. The man lays there for about 30 minutes. After that time, he slowly removes a pike from his left forearm, then his right. Then, he removes the pike in his chest, and then in his legs. He rises to his feet, blood soaked. In front of him lies the dead body of a young girl. She has multiple stab wounds all over her body, a fractured skull, a broken arm and leg, and three broken ribs. The man retrieves a cloth and wipes the blood off his bare chest. He reaches for a necklace dangling around his neck. He holds it close to his mouth and whispers.

Man: Thank you. Let Lord Jashin bestow his power unto me.

His name is Hidan. He is a famous actor throughout the large countries. Unbeknownst to the countries, however, is the fact that he is a notorious mass murderer.

Hidan: Well... I suppose I should clean this up and get over to the Rain Country. That Pein guy is probably waiting for me.

Hidan pushes a small boulder aside, and climbs through the hole. He leave his underground hideout, puts another small boulder over the hole, and calmly walks toward a large, lavish gate. Behind the gate is a huge mansion, with a large courtyard. The courtyard contains hedges in the shape of several different animals, a large fountain, and several walkways around the mansion. There is also a limousine parked in front of the main doors. Hidan opens one of the doors, sits in the back, and addresses the chauffeur.

Hidan: To the City of Rain, please.


	3. Phase 3: Incogito

Longest chapter yet. Has 3 POV's this time (POV meaning, of course, Point of View). This one's got lots of that gore at one point, a drug reference, and some harsh language. Caution and stuff, unless that's what you came to see. Otherwise, have fun.

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Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 3

Incogito

Seven minutes previous; 3:20 AM. Itachi and Kisame walk into a dark alley. A small door is hidden behind some garbage cans. They move the cans, knock 3 times, and the door opens slowly. They walk through the door into a large room, with dark red walls, dim lights, and an ornate oak desk in the middle. Behind the desk is a man with spiky auburn hair. He also has about 6 piercings around the bridge of his nose, with many more along his ears. His name is Pein.

Pein: It's about time you two came. I've been waiting.

He is the leader of a small but notorious criminal organization known as Akatsuki.

Itachi: Please excuse us sir. We ran into a small problem on the way here.

Pein: I don't care what you did, as long as you came. I've run into a problem of my own.

Kisame: What is it, sir?

Pein: I'd tell you if you'd keep your mouth shut.

Kisame is slightly startled by Pein's remark.

Kisame: Pardon me sir. Please continue.

Pein gives Kisame a cold glare. He begins to speak again.

Pein: As I was saying... Something has come up. I need you two to obtain the child who holds the Kyuubi.

Itachi: Wasn't Sasori assigned to retrieve him?

Pein: That's where the problem comes up... Sasori is dead.

Kisame: Impossible! Who could've killed Sasori?

Pein: I have a man looking into his death as we speak. Undercover, of course.

Itachi: You don't mean...

Kisame: Do you really think _he _can figure it out? I mean, he's-

Pein: Are you questioning my decision? You're not going to be a problem, like Kakuzu was, are you?

Kisame: No sir. My apologies.

Pein: All of that business aside, obtaining the Kyuubi is one of my top priorities. Being my two top hit men, I trust you'll be able to do the job quickly and efficiently. He is currently residing in the Fire Country. It should take about 5 days to get there from here, but that won't be a problem, will it?

Itachi: No sir.

Kisame: We'll be on it right away sir. By the way, how's your wife doing?

Itachi gives Kisame an annoyed look.

Itachi: (In his head) Don't get yourself into any more trouble, idiot...

Pein: She's probably in a bar somewhere getting wasted.

Kisame: Oh... That's... You must be so proud.

Pein: _Leave_.

Itachi and Kisame: Yes sir.

The hit men quickly exit from the same door they entered.

3:27 AM. In the City of Sand, Zetsu emerges from a small sand drift. He spots a lone policeman on guard near the home of the City Ambassador.

Zetsu Black: It's been a long while since we've last had a decent meal.

Zetsu White: Indeed it has.

Zetsu Black: Shall we?

Zetsu: Yes, we shall.

Zetsu goes back into the sand and waits for the man to approach. Once he is about a foot from Zetsu's hiding spot, he suddenly but quickly emerges from the sand and grabs the man with the jaw-like plant surrounding him. The man's screams are muffled by the sand. Zetsu tightens his grip, and proceeds to rip off the man's limbs. He then tears open the man's chest, breaks the ribcage, and devours his entrails. Once the innards are gone, he also eats the dismembered limbs.

Zetsu Black: Fantastic meal.

Zetsu White: I thought the sand made him a bit too coarse. A bit harsh on the tongue.

Zetsu Black: We'll leave here soon. Where shall we go next?

Zetsu White: We've never sampled the flavors of the City of Leaves.

Zetsu Black: The ones with vitality and strong wills always taste better.

Zetsu gets out of the sand drift and begins to walk.

Later that day, 1:14 PM. Hidan arrives in the City of Waterfalls. As he exits his limousine, he is ambushed by flashing cameras, microphones, and fangirls with pens, begging for autographs.

Hidan: (In head) Paparazzi. Fans. Oh goody, just what I wanted.

Reporter: Do you have a minute, Hidan-san? I'm reporting for the City of Clouds, I'd like if you could just answer a few questions-

Hidan: Sorry, need to be somewhere right now.

Another reporter: Excuse me, Hidan-san, is it true you're currently in rehab?

Hidan: What the hell are you talking about?

Fangirls: HIDAN-SAMA! Can we have your autograph, PLEASE?!

Hidan: For the last time, I need to be somewhere...

Reporter #1: Hidan-san-

Reporter #2: Just one minute please-

Reporter #3: Is it true that-

Reporter #4: Have you really been-

Hidan: (In head) If it weren't for all their cameras, I'd kill these fuckers right where they stand.

Hidan starts to shove his way through the mob and eventually reaches small hut. He slams the door behind him, locking it. He makes his way to the left top corner of the room. He moves a large vase, which reveals a secret door in the floor. He opens it, and goes down into another underground passage. The inside of the hideout is similar to the one mentioned previously; minus the dead body. Hidan opens a cabinet to his right, which reveals a gigantic, three-bladed scythe. He grabs it and ties it around his back with a rope.

Hidan: I know that bastard is here somewhere... He's gonna pay. Tonight, he's gonna die.


	4. Phase 4: Cruor

This chapter has strong amounts of gore and a teeny bit of language. Again, read at your own risk and stuff.

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Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 4

Cruor

Three days previous; 2:49 AM. Deidara and another man meet at a rendezvous point outside a famed art gallery in the City of Rock. The man is considerably shorter than Deidara, with large, tired looking eyes and short red hair.

Man: I'm surprised that you wanted to see me on such short notice, Deidara.

His name is Sasori.

Deidara: You say that as if it's bad seeing me. You know I have nothing but respect for you, Sasori no Danna.

Sasori is a master puppeteer, known throughout the major countries. He is acclaimed as one of the best artists of the century.

Sasori: Sometimes I seriously doubt that.

Deidara: Why do you say that?

Sasori: Because I know how badly you want fame.

Deidara rolls his eyes, annoyed.

Deidara: I only want fame because I deserve it.

Sasori: You sound like a stubborn child when you go on rants, you know.

Deidara: I'm not ranting. I'm merely saying that those fools who call their pathetic doodles "art" aren't worthy of being there. The only reason they don't accept mine is because it's too great for their feeble minds to comprehend and appreciate.

Sasori: Are you really that arrogant and self-centered to think you're better than everyone else?

Deidara: I'm not saying this to brag, I'm saying it because it's true.

Sasori: Do you think you've surpassed me?

Deidara: No offense, Danna, but I've surpassed you long ago.

Sasori's eyes grow cold.

Sasori: Really? Is that what you actually believe?

Deidara: What? You don't think so?

Sasori: Of course not. You don't even know what true art is. Art is something beautiful, that lasts for lifetimes. Your moronic idea of art is those exploding figures you make.

Deidara: It's you who doesn't understand what true art is. All you imbeciles say it lasts forever; it's simply not true. Art is beautiful because it is fleeting, and only lasts for a few moments. It's true beauty comes out once it is gone. As I say art-

Sasori: (In a mocking tone) "Is a blast!" ...Right?

Deidara: I guess you really don't understand. Oh well, no matter. You'll understand very soon.

Sasori: What do you mean by that?

Deidara opens his cloak and pulls out a .367 Magnum. He points the gun directly between Sasori's eyes.

Sasori: You can't be serious. I know you're an idiot, but you're not THAT stupid.

Deidara: Has it ever come across to you that maybe I'm sick of you getting credit for your disgusting puppet crap, while I sit here without any appreciation?

Sasori: The reason you don't get any appreciation is because you are an arrogant, whiny, self-absorbed piece of shit. No matter how many times you say it, you have no respect for any fellow artists. All you care about is yourself. All this fame-chasing has tainted your brain, so your art is also tainted. If you keep thinking this way you will never become-

Before Sasori can finish, Deidara shoots the gun in his face. Blood and fragments of his skull and brain splatter across the outside gallery wall, and on the shooter. Deidara calmly walks toward the corpse and shoots it twice more in the head, once in the chest, reloads, and 4 more times in the chest again.

Deidara: I would apologize, Sasori no Danna, but you've been made into a beautiful work of art in death. We'll see who's ideal of art is correct. We'll see.

Present time, 3:02 PM. Hidan stands outside his private hut, waiting. A young girl, about 15 years old, approaches him, with a note in her hand. She has long blonde hair, blue eyes, and is wearing a purple crop top, with a matching purple skirt. She also has fishnet stockings, with some fishnet around her upper arms. Her name is Yamanaka Ino. She is near Hidan's hut, with the belief that she won a backstage tour of a new movie Hidan is starring in. In reality, her reasons for being there are much more grim.

Ino: Hidan-sama, it's such an honor to meet you! You're my absolute favorite actor!

Hidan: (In head) Just my luck, I get stuck with a dumb blonde. Doesn't matter. I won't have to listen to her for very long.

Hidan begins to speak, feigning interest.

Hidan: Hello there. My, you're an attractive young lady. I bet the boys must go wild when they see you walk by.

Ino giggles in the typical fangirl fashion.

Hidan: Your name is Yamanaka Ino, if I'm not mistaken?

Ino: That's right.

Hidan: Wonderful. Right this way.

Hidan politely opens the door for her. She enters, and he closes it behind him, making sure to lock it.

Ino: This hut is pretty small and empty for something a celebrity is staying in, isn't it?

Hidan: I don't like things that are too ornate. Besides, the better stuff is downstairs.

Ino: This thing has a basement?

Hidan: In a manner of speaking.

Hidan walks towards the large vase in the left corner and pushes it, revealing the secret door.

Hidan: This way, please.

Ino: Okay... But this isn't exactly what I was expecting...

Hidan: No need to be alarmed. I'll treat you with utmost hospitality, I assure you.

Ino slowly walks down the stairs, with Hidan close behind. As she enters, she starts to become uneasy. The room is dimly lit with candles. To her right is a large cabinet, to her left a small table with a few chairs. Farther in the room is a small bed, some smaller cabinets, and an altar with strange figurines sitting on it.

Ino: All this looks really spooky. Is this for the new movie.

Hidan: (Again, feigning politeness) Aren't you the sharp one? Indeed it is. It's a horror movie. I play the role of a private investigator tracking down a murderer who sacrifices his victims to a pagan God.

Ino: That IS pretty spooky.

Hidan pulls out a chair near the table to Ino's left side.

Hidan: Have a seat.

Ino sits, as Hidan walks to the farther end of the room and pulls out a wine bottle from one of the cabinets. He also takes out 2 glasses and pours wine into one of them.

Hidan: Would you like a drink?

Ino: I'm not old enough to drink, you know-

Hidan: Oh please. I'm sure you have get-togethers with your friends, where you engage in all sorts of things your parents don't know about. One drink now won't hurt.

Ino: Well... I suppose not. But only a little bit.

Hidan hands the glass to her.

Hidan: I'll get some for myself too.

Hidan walks over to the farther end of the room again, and grabs the wine bottle. He approaches Ino slowly from behind, and hits her over the head with the bottle. It shatters into pieces against her skull. She falls over on the floor, coughing blood. She struggles to get up.

Ino: What... What are you-

Hidan: I can't stand idiotic obsessive fangirls like you. I'd rather have someone less annoying for a sacrifice, but you're all I could get at the moment. I'm rather busy.

Ino: Sa-sacrifice?!

Hidan: Did you really think this was all for a movie?

Hidan removes a large dark coat he was wearing, revealing the three-bladed scythe on his back.

Ino: Why are you doing this to me?

Hidan, still clutching the broken wine bottle in his hands, hits her on the head with it a second time.

Hidan: Stupid bitch, I already told you! Weren't you listening?! I need a sacrifice!

Hidan goes closer to her, pulls her up by her long hair, and runs his free hand across her face, covering his hand with blood. He licks the blood off his hand and walks toward a circle in the middle of the floor. His skin starts to turn black-and-white, in a design similar to a skeleton.

Hidan: I was going to use my scythe if you didn't cooperate, but you don't look like much of a threat. I'll just go right down to business.

Hidan grabs one of about 3 long pikes off the wall to his right. He drives the pike through his left leg. A barely conscious Ino screams in pain and manages to clutch her left leg.

Hidan: Ah... That felt good. One more?

Ino: (Coughs more blood) No... No, please...

Hidan: One more!

He grabs another pike and impales his other leg. Ino lets out another agonized wail. Hidan grins maniacally.

Hidan: This is all so much fun, but I'm in a bit of a hurry. I'll just finish it up now.

Ino starts crying uncontrollably across the room, bleeding profusely. Hidan reaches over and grabs the final pike. He stabs himself through the chest. The girl's cries are silenced. Hidan removes the pikes from his body, and lays down on the circle. He prepares to stab himself once more in the chest. He chants to himself, in an almost sing-song voice.

Hidan: Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam et lingua eius loquetur iudicium...

"The mouth of the Just shall meditate wisdom, and his tongue shall speak judgement."

Hidan: Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem quoniam cum probatus fuerit accipiet coronam vitae...

"Blessed is the man who resists temptation. For, once he has been tried, he shall receive the crown of life."

Hidan drives the pike deep inside his chest.

Hidan: Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison...

"Oh Lord, oh Holy Fire, have mercy."

Hidan drives the other two pikes into his arms.

Hidan: Oh quam sancta quam serena quam benigma quam amoena...

"Oh how sacred, how serene, how benevolent, how lovely..."

Hidan: Oh castitatis lilium.

"Oh lilly of purity."


	5. Phase 5: Pugna

This chapter has a drug reference and some violence, but other than that...it's pretty tame. I bet you need that after the last chapter eh? Laughs Your stunned reactions amuse me so.

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Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 5

Pugna

It was about an hour ago, at 2:33 PM. I was inside a seedy looking bar, crammed to the teeth with rough-and-tumble guys. You know, the ones who'll pick a fight with you if you so much as look at them the wrong way. It wasn't anything to worry about, though. I deal with someone much more rough-and-tumble than them every day, and he's much more attractive. I'm referring, of course, to my husband, Pein. He's the leader of Akatsuki, a criminal organization with only one goal: Total domination. I like to help my man at work, so I'm also a member. Not that it was easy to get in just because I'm sleeping with the guy. Bad joke, I know. I still have lots of tricks up my sleeve, and I can put any of the brutes from that bar in their place. Which reminds me, I'm rambling. Excuse me. Anyway, back to the bar. I was there to meet a former associate of ours, who goes by the handle Kakuzu. Apparently, he didn't like the "slow pace" we were moving at. That, and something about not getting paid enough. Or at all, for that matter. He left abruptly and decided to start his own gang. He's also trying to get a hold of the targets that my group's had our eyes on. Of course, we're not gonna let that happen.

I walked steadily through the small crowds, avoiding eye contact, and wearing dark glasses, even though it was already barely visible in there. I saw him sitting in a stool in the farthest, darkest corner of the bar, alone, with a cigar in his hand. All the poseur tough guys smoke cigars, you know. I sat down in a stool directly across from him. Business was about to begin.

Kakuzu: He let you come here alone, eh? A woman? That doesn't seem like such a bright idea.

Me: Believe me, I can take care of myself. And I'm not afraid of chipping a nail or two.

Kakuzu: Whatever you say... By the way, has your hair always been that blue? I distinctly remember it being a different color last time I saw you. Used the wrong dye or something?

Me: Enough of the crap. I came here for one reason, and it wasn't to jabber in trivial conversation.

Kakuzu: Well, excuse me for trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Me: The mood wouldn't be so tense if you hadn't just left us.

Kakuzu: Yeah, well... Shit happens.

It was a bit hard to hear him over the music and rowdy men scattered about. It didn't help that he always obscured his mouth with a black mask. I didn't want to, but I had to lean in a bit closer to understand the words as they came out of his mouth.

Me: Yeah, I guess it does. Speaking of which, I heard you got yourself into some deep shit not too long ago... Crossed a guy who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty... Am I right?

Kakuzu, sat up. It seemed he was finally taking things seriously.

Kakuzu: How did you find out about that?

Me: You know how it is, word goes down the grapevine. I also here this guy can't be killed, so no matter how much you try to keep him away, he'll just keep coming back. That sounds like a problem, now doesn't it, Kakuzu-san?

Kakuzu: Why are you so interested in my affairs?

Me: You know, Pein doesn't take kindly to traitors, oh no, but it's such a shame that we had to lose someone as talented as you. You really held the team together, you know.

Kakuzu: Don't try to flatter me.

Me: So, feminine charm won't work here, eh? Not a problem. You see, despite your treachery, we're still willing to help you out with your little dilemma... If the price is right, of course.

Kakuzu: What do you mean?

Me: What I mean is, we're willing to get that guy off your hands, if, and only if, you come work for us again. And before you start protesting, I'm going to throw in an extra little... Shall I say... Welcome Back Present.

I reached under the table and pulled out a large briefcase. I opened it so that it faced Kakuzu, letting him see the thousands of dollars piled inside. Kakuzu is incredibly greedy, and loves money more than life itself. I knew this would win him over.

Kakuzu: How much is in there?

Me: About $10,000. All for you, plus the protection from that thorn in your side, if you be a good little boy and come back home. Mommy and daddy have missed you,

Kakuzu: Alright, I'll do it. No need to get all weird. Or have you been, shall we say, "powdering your nose" again?

Me: I've been cutting down.

Kakuzu: Whatever you say.

Me: Listen here, I don't want to have to get rough. Do we have a deal here or not?

Kakuzu sat still, contemplating my generous offer. Seeing all the money on the table didn't make him have to think for very long.

Kakuzu: It's a deal.

Me: Alright then. Be a good boy, and don't run away from home ever again.

I gave him the suitcase and got up from my stool. I turned to face him one last time.

Me: Oh, and just so you know... We'll want you back at HQ at noon tomorrow. Don't show up, and we'll find that guy and have him gut you like a pig. Got it?

Kakuzu: You've made it perfectly clear already.

Me: Good, good. See you then.

And by the way... My name is none of your business.

Five days later, 4:57 PM. Pein is sitting behind his ornate oak desk. A cell phone on top the desk rings. He picks it up and answers it calmly.

Pein: Have you found him yet?

There is a long silence. Then, as Pein was about to speak again, the caller responded.

Caller: I have.

Pein: When did you get into contact?

Caller: It's been about a week since I encountered him, I'd say.

Pein: I thought you'd bring him in as soon as you found him.

Caller: Excuse me Pein, but I thought it would be smarter to stay around him a bit longer. I wanted to see what he was capable of.

Pein: What have you found out?

Caller: That he's an arrogant pain in the ass. Quite cruel, too.

Pein: Cruelty was never a problem.

Caller: No, I meant... About my...

Pein: Oh right... Your condition.

Caller: ...

Pein: How much longer can you talk?

Caller: I don't know. Once I see him again, I'll probably revert back. I'll bring him back soon.

Pein: Alright.

Caller: One last thing, before you hang up.

Pein: What is it?

Caller: Try to be discreet with these calls, we can't let anyone besides you and her know about this. And try not to talk down to me. You know who's really in charge.

The caller abruptly hangs up. Pein slowly puts down the cell phone.

Pein: I'm well aware of who's in charge... Madara.

At the same time Pein received a call, Itachi and Kisame were on the outskirts of the City of Leaves. Itachi's arm was bleeding profusely.

Itachi: Damn it... I wasn't expecting _him _to be here.

Kisame: And he was packing heat. He didn't make it easy for us, like last time. We need to get back to Leader-san's place, fast.

Itachi: But we still don't have the container of the Kyuubi... Naruto-kun is still out there.

Kisame: We can deal with that later. It'll be a lot harder to catch him if my partner is dead. Your brother can wait too.

Itachi: He won't see it that way... Sasuke won't give up.

Kisame: Not to mention that Shikamaru guy. It's not like we were involved when Hidan killed his friend. That was before we had him. Besides, we wouldn't even have known about that if Leader-san hadn't called us about it.

Itachi: The City of Rain... Is 5 days away. How will we get there...

Kisame: We'll have to hijack a car or something. Wait here, I'll go get one.

Kisame leaves Itachi and runs out into the street. He sees a car drive up. He pulls out a revolver, takes aim, and shoots the driver 3 times in the head. He runs to the car, pulls the dead man out, and takes the wheel. He drives back to Itachi's hiding spot.

Kisame: Can you get up?

Itachi: Yeah, just give me a minute.

Itachi slowly rises up and gets in the passenger's seat of the car.

Itachi: We should call for backup.

Kisame: No, we need to get you treated first. Once we do that, we'll explain the situation, gather everyone up, come back, and- What the hell is that?!

Kisame points towards a large plant-like shape jutting out of the ground in the middle of the road. Kisame breaks hard, and almost hits the object. He sits in the car, watching it.

Kisame: Is that a plant or something?

Itachi: No... It's human.

Kisame: What?!

Itachi: Look closely.

Itachi points at the windshield. Kisame follows his pointed finger and sees the shape emerge from the ground, his legs pulling him out from the street.

Kisame: That can't be human, that's impossible.

A voice comes from Kisame's left side.

Voice: Anything is possible.

Another voice came from the same direction. It sounded like the first, but more lively and a bit higher.

Voice 2: Besides, you don't look very normal either.

Kisame turns his head and sees a man engulfed in what appears to be a gigantic carnivorous plant. One half of his face is black, the other white. He has green hair and cold, piercing yellow eyes.

Zetsu Black: The other one is wounded. I'd say it's time we had a feast. Shall we?

Zetsu White: Yes, we shall.


	6. Phase 6: Specialis

Another tame-ish chapter. Got some crude language, though. Watch out for that, I guess. I'll try to make the next chapter a bit less shitty. (I always have trouble with Chapter 6 in every story for some odd reason.)

* * *

Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 6

Specialis

4 hours after Pein received a call, 8:39 PM. Itachi and Kisame are once again at Akatsuki HQ. Pein, as usual, is sitting behind his desk. His wife is also there, sitting on top of it. Itachi has his arm wrapped in bandages.

Itachi: Our most sincere apologies, sir. The mission failed.

Kisame: We ran into some unexpected trouble.

Pein: And that would be...?

Itachi: Uchiha Sasuke.

Pein: Your younger brother.

Itachi: Affirmative, sir.

Pein: So he's gotten stronger...

Kisame: That's not all, sir. There was also a guy called Nara Shikamaru.

Hidan is sitting by a decorative table farther in the room. When he hears the name, he winces. Neither Kisame nor Itachi noticed him there until now.

Kisame: You whacked that guy's girlfriend, right?

Hidan: It was necessary, believe me.

Itachi: Sir Leader, does Kakuzu-san know that Hidan-san is here?

Pein: Of course he knows.

Kisame: How does he feel about that?

Hidan: We've come to an agreement, in a way.

Pein's Wife: Are the Leaf cops still following you?

Kisame: Fortunately, they've gotten distracted by something else while we made our getaway. Best part is, he's interested in joining our operation.

Wife: He?

Kisame: He's a bit of an oddball, but he's got skill. If it weren't for Itachi-san's... "Persuasive technique," we would've been eaten alive.

Itachi: He means that literally, mind you.

Wife: Well... That's neat.

Pein: Is there a way I can find this...

Itachi: His name is Zetsu.

Pein: Yes. How will I contact him?

Kisame: He'll probably have a way of coming to us. I hope that's not a problem.

Pein: If he's truly as strong as you imply, it won't be.

Wife: Pein, isn't there something else you were going to discuss?

Pein: That's correct, there is. After the failure of this mission, we're going to have to be more discreet from now on.

Itachi: How's that, sir?

Pein: I shall assign all members, including myself, with code names and a dress code.

Kisame: What, like a kid's secret club?

Pein shoots another one of his cold glares in Kisame's direction.

Wife: It was the new guy's idea.

Hidan: Hey bitch, I have a name, ya know!

Wife: What did you just say?!

The woman pulls out a pistol and shoots Hidan in his left arm.

Hidan: What the hell?! That hurt!

Pein: You shouldn't make her mad. Let that be a lesson to you.

Wife: Besides, I thought you enjoyed pain, you big freak.

Hidan: Who are you calling a freak?! This chick's psycho!

Pein: ENOUGH. Both of you.

Wife: Right, right, sorry... Back to business.

Pein: The new outfits are fairly simple. Kakuzu, you can come out now.

Kakuzu steps out from a door in the back of the room. He's wearing a long, black cloak, with red clouds embroidered on it.

Hidan: Hey, that's pretty slick. By the way, if you don't mind Kakuzu, could you get this bullet out of my arm? It's starting to get a bit uncomfortable.

Kakuzu: Why should I help you?

Hidan: I thought we already discussed that earlier.

Kakuzu sighs angrily and goes to help Hidan.

Pein: As for the names... They won't be necessary for normal conversations like this, but when you're on the battlefield, or are at risk of being overheard, you shall refer to yourselves by code. I will be referred to as Unus Oz.

Hidan: Or you could just use the second part, if that's easier.

Pein: But that's the full title. My wife is Duo Lenore, Tobi is Tres Chtulhu, and Kakuzu is Quattuor Mr. Electrico.

Kisame: Those are some pretty weird code names.

Wife: Again, new guy's idea.

Pein: Itachi, you will be Quinque Ticktock. Kisame is Sex Pennywise.

Kisame: Wait, what?!

Hidan: Hey, blue dipshit, the first part of the names are Latin numbers. Like, one, two, three...

Kisame: I know what numbers are, asshole.

Hidan: Just making sure.

Pein: Hold your tongues, both of you.

Hidan: Sorry boss.

Pein: If this Zetsu person decides to join, he will be Octo Pinhead. I failed to mention this before, but Sasori will also receive a name, out of respect of his unexpected passing. He will be... Decem Armand.

Kakuzu: Hidan, do you read horror novels, by any chance? Your names appear to be influenced by them.

Hidan: Yeah, yeah, I thought it would be interesting.

Kisame: I personally think it's a bit weird.

Wife: But it's unexpected, like what we wanted, so it'll work.

Itachi: What's our next assignment, sir?

Pein: We won't be doing anything until we recruit our last two members.

Itachi: Two?

Pein: Yes. Zetsu and Sasori's killer.

Present time, 5:20 PM. Deidara exits the abandoned house. He sees Tobi sitting on the ground, staring at a tree.

Deidara: What the hell are you doing now? I thought you left.

Tobi: He's been thinking.

Deidara: Thinking? About what? A retard like you can't think of anything.

Tobi: Something bad is going to happen soon.

Deidara: Something bad? To who? When?

Tobi looks at the ground and starts drawing strange patterns on the ground with his finger.

Deidara: What are you doing now?

Tobi: ... He's thinking some more.

Deidara: You useless moron!

Deidara kicks Tobi in the back, making Tobi fall face-first in the dirt.

Deidara: I can't stand being around you! I don't even know why I hang around you! Always saying things that don't make sense, and calling yourself, "He!" What's with that?! Maybe I should start saying something pointless and annoying all the time, like "Yeah" after every sentence!

Tobi stands up, wiping the dirt off his mask.

Tobi: He can't help it, Deidara-senpai. He's sorry.

Deidara: Whatever... yeah. Hm. That IS pretty annoying. I'll keep saying that until you learn to make more sense once in a while... yeah!

Tobi: He'll try harder, senpai. He knows something that will help you.

Deidara: You do?

Tobi nods. He looks at his hands and twiddles his thumbs.

Tobi: It's in... Um... That rain place.

Deidara: The City of Rain?

Tobi nods again.

Deidara: You should have said that earlier... yeah! What's there that'll help me?

Tobi: There's no "thing" there.

Deidara: Huh?

Tobi: There's a guy there. But he can't go yet.

Deidara: You mean you can't go yet... yeah?

Tobi nods a third time.

Deidara: Why not?

Tobi: He heard something bad is going to happen in the leaf place soon. Have to stay here. You'll get caught.

Deidara: Caught?! What do you mean?!

Tobi: They will know you shot Sasori-senpai.

Deidara steps away from Tobi. He begins to panic.

Deidara: How the hell do you know about that... yeah?!

Tobi shrugs.

Tobi: It doesn't matter. He won't tell. But they'll know. So he can't let you leave here yet.

Deidara: Why would you help me?

Tobi is silent. He stops twiddling his thumbs and starts to wring his hands.

Deidara: Well?

Tobi: Because he likes you. He doesn't know why. You're always mean to him. But he wants to help you. It'd make the rain guy happy.

Deidara: So you're sure this "rain guy" is gonna help me... yeah?

Tobi nods once more.

Deidara: Well, OK. We'll hide out here for a few more days.

Tobi: Senpai.

Deidara: What?

Tobi: Are you happy?

Deidara gives Tobi a puzzled look.

Tobi: He has trouble knowing how people feel. He's sorry about that too, but he wants to know.

Deidara: ... Yeah. I am now, I guess.

Tobi: OK. That's good. He thinks.

Deidara: It is good Tobi... yeah.

Deidara goes back into the house. Tobi takes a cell phone from his pocket.

Tobi: He should call Leader-san soon.


	7. Phase 7: Macto

This chapter's got coarse language and lots o' that violence, via gung-ho gunfighting. Discretion advised as usual...

* * *

Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 7

Macto

Two days after present time, 10:18 AM. The City of Leaves has many storm clouds overhead. A 15-year-old boy with spiky brown hair tied into a ponytail lays across the balcony of his house, looking towards the sky as the clouds grow darker. His name is Nara Shikamaru.

Shikamaru: How troublesome. It's not enjoyable watching the clouds when they're so gloomy.

He stands up and sees his friend down on the street below. His friend is a larger boy, with long spiky brown hair that goes down his back. He also wears samurai-like armor and has red swirls on his cheeks. His name is Akimichi Choji.

Shikamaru: Hey, Choji!

Choji: Hi, Shikamaru. Stay up there, I'll come up. We need to talk about something.

Shikamaru waits as his friend approaches the house and lets himself in. Shikamaru already has the door unlocked. The City of Leaves is a peaceful place, so they could leave their doors unlocked without any worries of someone breaking in. As Choji reaches Shikamaru's room, he notices the plump boy has a solemn look on his face.

Shikamaru: Hey, is something wrong?

Choji: You remember that Ino went over to the City of Waterfalls for a short weekend vacation, right?

Shikamaru: Yeah, what about it?

Choji: Well... You should sit down.

Shikamaru: Is it really that bad? What happened?!

Choji: She won a prize to go see a celebrity for a day... She was on her way to see him, when she was... Abducted.

Shikamaru: Abducted?! So she's missing?!

Choji: Not anymore...

Shikamaru: But that's good right? If she's not missing, then they-

Shikamaru is a genius. He's very tactical and can get himself out of any mess, even if the odds are against him. He should've seen it sooner. He realizes that what happened was very bad news indeed.

Shikamaru: You don't mean she... They... They killed her?

Choji nods slowly, and hangs his head low. Shikamaru sits on his bed and puts his head in his hands.

Choji: They're having a funeral for her tomorrow.

Shikamaru: I can't believe something like this is happening...

Choji: I know it's hard, but we have to be strong for her.

Shikamaru is silent for a few moments. He takes his head out of his hands and walks towards the door.

Choji: Shikamaru, where are you going?

Shikamaru: Who did it?

Choji: Huh?

Shikamaru: Who killed Ino?!

Choji: That's the craziest part. It turns out the celebrity she was going to see was the one who did it. That Hidan guy.

Shikamaru: The movie star?!

Choji: Yeah. It turns out he's the one who killed Sakura too.

Shikamaru: It was the same guy?!

Choji again nods slowly.

Shikamaru: Come on, we need to find Naruto and tell him.

Choji: He already knows.

Just as Shikamaru was about to touch the doorknob, the door flies open. Naruto is standing in the doorway, eyes glowing red with rage.

Naruto: That bastard... He's gonna pay for what he did to Ino and Sakura-chan. I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

Three days after Shikamaru received the news, 3:15 PM. Itachi and Kisame reach the entrance gates to the City of Leaves.

Itachi: It's been a long time since I've last seen home...

Kisame: Feeling nostalgic?

Itachi: Not in the least.

The walk through the open gate. They stay close to the sidewalks, avoiding attention.

Kisame: Itachi-san, how will we know which child is the Kyuubi container?

Itachi: All Jinchuuriki have distinctive marks of their Bijuu. He'll have markings of the 9-Tailed Fox.

Kisame: What sort of markings? He can't have tails or anything.

Itachi: Of course not. Try to think a bit more rationally.

Itachi pauses in the middle of the sidewalk.

Kisame: What's wrong?

Itachi: Over there.

Itachi points to the sidewalk to their left. A teenage boy is standing there. He has black hair that spikes up at the top and deep black eyes. He has a striking resemblance to Itachi. He appears to be staring directly in Itachi's direction.

Kisame: So that must be your brother, Uchiha Sasuke. That can't be good.

Itachi: There's nothing to worry about. He's not strong enough to do anything.

Itachi continues to walk, with Kisame close behind. As they walk, a quick gunshot is heard. A bullet on the sidewalk about an inch away from Kisame. He jumps back, startled.

Kisame: Holy shit!

Itachi: Where did that come from?

Kisame looks up and sees a blonde-haired teenager on a balcony, holding a pistol in his hands. His eyes are slit and glowing red. His cheeks have deep marks, which resemble whiskers.

Kisame: I think we've found the Jinchuuriki.

Naruto: WHERE IS HE?! WHERE'S HIDAN?!

Kisame: Hidan...? I don't know where he-

The boy shoots the gun twice more, as Kisame jumps back.

Naruto: HE KILLED TWO OF MY FRIENDS! TELL ME WHERE HE IS, NOW!

Kisame: Goddamn it, kid!

Itachi: But we need you. You're the container of the 9-Tailed Fox. You're coming with us.

Naruto: LIKE HELL!

Naruto jumps down from the balcony. As he lands, Shikamaru comes out from behind Itachi and fires a gun 3 times in his direction. Itachi jumps to his left, where another hail of bullets comes towards him. Itachi turns to look in front of him, and sees Sasuke with a revolver clenched in his fists.

Sasuke: Itachi... I've been waiting for this day all my life... You killed our entire family, for no reason at all. I'll kill you, and finally get my revenge! I WILL avenge the Uchiha clan!

Sasuke fires the revolver 4 more times rapid-fire. Itachi evades all the shots and pulls out 2 pistols from inside his suit. He alternately fires 2 rounds from each gun, all of which Sasuke manages to dodge. Itachi runs behind the wall of a nearby alley. He leans over slightly and fires two more shots, and reloads. Sasuke is still not hit. Meanwhile, Kisame continues to dodge rounds from both Shikamaru and Naruto. He jumps onto the balcony Naruto was previously standing on, and then leaps onto the roof of the building. The two teens continue to shoot at Kisame, and they miss each time. Kisame peers down, and sees the two have stopped firing.

Naruto: Shikamaru! I'm out of bullets!

Shikamaru: Then reload, dumbass!

Naruto: I can't! I don't have any left!

Shikamaru: What?! I thought you were gonna buy extra magazines!

Naruto: I thought YOU were gonna get more!

Shikamaru: Shit, now we're sitting ducks!

Kisame: Perfect, now it's my turn!

Kisame opens his suit jacket and pulls out a .45 Caliber M1A1 submachine gun. He points it in Shikamaru's direction and opens fire. The boy begins to sprint, but is hit twice in the right leg.

Naruto: SHIKAMARU! Hang on!

With amazing inhuman speed, Naruto rushes towards Shikamaru, picks him up, and runs in the opposite direction.

Kisame: You're not getting away that easily!

Kisame gives chase, jumping from roof to roof after the Jinchuuriki. Meanwhile, the two Uchiha brothers continue to fire round after round at each other. Itachi goes back in the alley to reload. He hears his brother curse to himself. He peers around the corner, and sees that Sasuke has run out of bullets. Itachi comes out, ready to fire, when Sasuke quickly pulls out a magnum and shoots Itachi in his right arm. The blow makes Itachi fall backwards. Not too far away, Kisame hears the shot. He sees Naruto and Shikamaru getting away, but he knows that if he doesn't go back, Itachi will be killed.

Kisame: Damn it, Itachi...

Sasuke walks calmly towards Itachi and puts the revolver to his older brother's forehead. Just as he's about to fire, a barrage of bullets are fired directly between the two Uchihas, just barely hitting Sasuke. Kisame jumps down from a roof to Sasuke's left and quickly grabs Itachi. He runs south, back to the city entrance gates.

Sasuke: You won't get away that easily!

Sasuke fires 3 more shots at Kisame. Kisame ducks his head down and continues to run, and barely manages to dodge the shots. Sasuke pulls out a cell phone from his left pocket and dials quickly.

Sasuke: I've spotted Uchiha Itachi in the village! He and an accomplice are making their getaway right at this moment! I need a Jonin police squad, stat!

Kisame manages to make it out of the village. He runs about 5 more blocks. He hides behind some shrubs, and places Itachi down.

Kisame: Itachi-san, are you alright? Can you talk?

Itachi looks at Kisame and begins to speak faintly.

Itachi: I'll be fine... But... The Jinchuuriki...

Kisame: That can wait. You're in no condition to complete the mission. We need to get back to the City of Rain, and _fast_.

At the same time Itachi and Kisame enter the City of Leaves, 3:15 PM. Zetsu emerges from a tree somewhere on the outskirts of the city.

Zetsu White: We've reached the City of Leaves without a problem, as expected. Should we go in?

Zetsu Black: Wait a moment. Do you see that?

Zetsu looks ahead and sees two men in dark suits walking into the city.

Zetsu Black: A foul aura is resonating from them both. They're preparing for a battle.

Zetsu White: That means many might be wounded.

Zetsu Black: Or better yet, killed.

Zetsu White: Yes, that's better. Easy bait.

Zetsu Black: We shall wait until the battle is done, then we shall feast.

Zetsu White: Yes, we shall.

Zetsu merges back into the tree, patiently waiting for the carnage to begin.


	8. Phase 8: Sermo

This chapter has strong coarse language, some sexual references, and some violence. DISCRETION, DISCRETION, DISCRETION!

* * *

Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 8

Sermo

Three hours previous, 2:40 PM. Hidan stands on the roof of a small bar. He waits patiently above the door. About a minute passes, and he sees the door open. He prepares to lunge down, raising his scythe. Moments before he jumps, he pauses. The person walking out the door isn't his target. A woman with a strange flower-like accessory in her blue hair walks calmly out of the bar. She looks up and sees Hidan. He tries to run, but the moment he turns around, she's standing directly in front of him.

Woman: Oh, it's you. I wasn't expecting to see you here. No, wait... You're here for Kakuzu, right?

Hidan: So he IS here. You weren't lying.

Woman: Of course not, why would I lie?

Hidan: Get out of my way, I have a score to settle with him.

Woman: What exactly did he do to you, anyway?

Hidan: Does that matter?

Woman: Wait, wait, I remember... Pein told me. Something about him stealing your kill, right?

Hidan is silent. He glares at the woman. He starts to get very frustrated.

Hidan: Listen, what happened between Kakuzu and I is none of your business. He pisses me off, and I need to do something about. Now get out of my way, or I'll force you out of the way.

Woman: Oh, really?

The woman pulls out a revolver from her coat.

Woman: You make that sound so easy. Besides, you should get going soon.

Hidan: What the hell are you talking about?

Woman: Well, it's only a matter of time before the ANBU special ops figure out it was you who left that bloody heap that used to be a little girl in that underground basement.

Hidan flinches.

Hidan: You told the cops?! Why?!

Woman: Why not?

Hidan: I thought you said you'd give them false leads to protect me.

Woman: Well yeah, only if you joined our little group. But, you turned it down, so you're out of luck.

Hidan: So you're just gonna fuck around with me, because I wouldn't join your stupid group?

Woman: Tsk, tsk, such naughty language. You should wash out that mouth of yours.

Hidan: Quit playing around. What is it you want?

Woman: You're pretty slow, aren't you? Listen, the deal is still up there. If you don't want the cops after you, join us. You'll be protected, guaranteed, as long as you work with us.

Hidan clenches his teeth in anger. He begins to think, but can't think of any other options. He'll have to team up with Akatsuki.

Hidan: Fine. Just to be clear, I don't want to be part of your organization, but I'd rather be there than rot in the slammer.

Woman: That's a smart move you made. Just one thing... You can't kill Kakuzu. He's a part of our group now, too.

Hidan: WHAT?!

Woman: Sorry, that's just how it is. Even if I did let you get at him, he left a while ago anyway.

Hidan turns around and looks over the horizon. He can faintly see a figure walking farther ahead. It's Kakuzu.

Hidan: You fucking bitch!

Woman: I've had just about enough of that talk.

The woman raises the revolver and shoots Hidan in the forehead. He staggers a bit, then falls off the roof. She looks down at his corpse.

Woman: Oopsies. Guess I got a little carried away. Oh well...

She continues to stare at the body. Then, she sees that it begins to stand up.

Woman: What in the-?!

Hidan is bleeding profusely from the head. He grasps his forehead, anger coming over him.

Hidan: What the hell was that for?! I said I'd join your group, you didn't need to shoot me!

Woman: (In head) That must be what Pein meant when he said this guy was strong... He can't be killed.

The woman clears her throat.

Woman: My bad. Come back to the City of Rain around noon tomorrow. Okeedokee?

Hidan: (In a bitter tone) Yeah. Okeedokee.

Five days later, 10:15 PM. Hidan is sitting in by a small table in the far right corner of Pein's hideout. He's been thinking about his forced entry into Akatsuki. He looks over to his left side from the corner of his eye and sees Kakuzu approaching him.

Kakuzu: Do you have a minute?

Hidan: Why, do you want something?

Kakuzu: I want to talk.

Hidan: Fine. Talk away. I can't guarantee that I'll listen, though.

Kakuzu: You'll listen, I'll make sure of it. This is about Orochimaru.

Hidan's eyes grew wide.

Hidan: You better be bringing this up for a good reason. If not, I swear to Jashin, I'll slit your fucking throat.

Kakuzu: You and that stupid religion... I had reasons for killing him, you know.

Hidan: Yeah, a pathetic reason. I know about that huge bounty he had. Killing someone for money... That's sick.

Kakuzu: Not as sick as killing someone for a "sacrifice" to your freakish God.

Hidan: One more word against Jashin and I'll-

Kakuzu: You'll what? There's nothing you can do. I'm protected by all members here from you. If you kill me, they'll turn you in to the police.

Hidan furrows his brow and grits his teeth.

Kakuzu: As long as I'm here, you have no power over me. It's almost like you'remy bitch.

Hidan's anger reached its peak. He rises from his chair and shouts at Kakuzu.

Hidan: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING YOUR BITCH?! If anyone here's a bitch, it's you! You left this shitty group to form your own, but you sold yourself out and re-joined because they offered you a huge wad of cash! You're the fucking whore of Akatsuki!

Kakuzu: What did you just call me, asshole?!

Kakuzu: holds out his right arm. Long, thin, black tentacles squirm out of it and wrap around Hidan's neck.

Hidan: That's a neat trick there. Not that it'll do much, I have some neat tricks of my own.

Kakuzu: Stop bluffing. You can't do anything to me.

Hidan: I can handle running from the police. You should stop YOUR bluffing, because I know you're afraid of me.

Kakuzu's eyes widen, and he flinches.

Hidan: You just kept running away from me. You never came and fought me like a man. You won't fight, and you're a sellout. You're just a huge pussy.

Kakuzu: I've had enough of your shit, you-

Before anything more can be said, Pein appears behind Hidan. He points a magnum in Kakuzu's direction.

Pein: I've grown tired of hearing you two squabble. Either you both shut up, or I'll blow your heads off your necks.

Kakuzu retracts his tentacles. Hidan remains calm.

Hidan: Yeah, but remember I can't be-

Pein: You can't be killed, I'm well aware of that. I'll just mutilate you, throw you in a ditch somewhere, and bury you alive.

Hidan: Sure, like THAT would ever happen...

Pein: You're going to have to learn to live with each other, anyway. From now on, Bizarro and Mr. Electrico are partners.

Hidan and Kakuzu gape at Pein, astonished.

Hidan and Kakuzu: WHAT?!

Present time, 6:42 PM. Deidara and Tobi are standing outside of the City of Leaves. They look in through the city gates, and see blood stains on the ground.

Deidara: Wow, you weren't kidding. Looks like something really went down here... yeah.

Tobi: He wouldn't lie to Deidara-senpai. He's a good boy.

Deidara: Sure. Tobi is a good boy... yeah.

A few feet behind them, Zetsu emerges from the bark of a tree.

Zetsu White: You must be Cthulhu and the renegade.

The two turn around. Deidara backs away from the strange man in front of him. Tobi stands still, his demeanor unchanged.

Tobi: Are you Pinhead? Leader-san told him about you.

Zetsu Black: That is correct.

Deidara: Tobi, what the hell is that thing? Why is he calling you Cthulhu... yeah?

Tobi begins to wring his hands and looks down at the ground.

Deidara: TOBI!

Tobi: Octo Pinhead is that guy's friend. The guy who's gonna help you. In the rainy place.

Deidara stares in disbelief at Zetsu.

Tobi: Pinhead wants to see that guy too.

Tobi points at Zetsu.

Tobi: The Pinhead thing says it broke out of a crazy guy place. It wants to eat people, but they won't let it. But the rainy guy says it can eat people, if it goes over to the rainy place. Leader-san is gonna help it. He knows. The rainy guy helped him, too.

Deidara: This guy broke out of a mental institution? For cannibalism?!

Tobi: Is that bad? Eating other people? Does Pinhead scare you, senpai?

Deidara looks over at Tobi with a terrified look.

Deidara: You're part of that group? And you want me to join... yeah?

Tobi: No.

He begins to wring his hands again, and cock his head from side to side.

Tobi: The rainy guy wants Deidara-senpai to join. He would like that, too he guesses.

Deidara: This is insane... yeah. This is a group of psychos. I can't join.

Zetsu Black: You don't have a choice.

Zetsu White: If you don't join, Leader-san will point the police in your direction.

Zetsu Black: We all know what you did to Sasori.

Deidara: What?! Tobi, I thought you said you wouldn't turn me in... yeah!

Tobi: He did. He won't turn Deidara-senpai in. He didn't say Leader-san wouldn't. He's not stupid.

Deidara: You bastard, do you even know what you're doing... yeah?!

Zetsu White: He's not going to cooperate.

Zetsu Black: We shall take him by force.

Zetsu White: Yes, we shall.

Zetsu merges into the ground. Within the blink of an eye, he directly in front of Deidara, and encases him within the plant-like structure, preventing him from escape.

Tobi: It's been a long time since he stacked anything. He wants to stack things. He NEEDS to.

Zetsu Black: We know you do.

Zetsu White: Take us to the HQ.

Zetsu Black: You shall stack things when you take us back there.

Zetsu White: Yes, you shall.

Tobi: OK. Just let him call Leader-san.

Tobi takes a cell phone out of his pocket, and dials a number. Zetsu turns towards Tobi.

Zetsu White: His aura is changing drastically.

Zetsu Black: It feels sinister.

Zetsu White: That isn't Tobi anymore.

Tobi talks into the cell phone.

Tobi: Pein, we've got him. Pinhead and I will be coming soon. He knows about us now, though. It's not gonna be easy getting him to join. But we have our ways.


	9. Phase 9: Recolligo

We're almost done, oh no... This chapter has references to violence, and...that's pretty much it. This chapter is just here to tie up loose ends. Enjoy.

* * *

Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 9

Recolligo

The day of the shootout in the City of Leaves, 5:05 PM. Kisame is sitting on behind the wheel of a stolen car, face-to-face with Zetsu on his left side.

Zetsu Black: The other one is wounded. I'd say it's time we had a feast. Shall we?

Zetsu White: Yes, we shall.

Kisame nudges Itachi with his elbow.

Kisame: Itachi-san, hurry, get up! We need to get out, NOW.

Itachi: I'll handle it.

Kisame: You've lost too much blood, you can't-

Itachi: I SAID I'll handle it. Get out of the way.

Kisame: If I move, that thing is gonna eat me!

Zetsu Black: We'll have our feast whether you move or not.

Zetsu White: That's true, that's true.

Kisame: Don't count on it.

Kisame grabs one of Itachi's pistols and points it at Zetsu.

Kisame: Make one false move, and you're gonna be eating bullets.

As Kisame distracts Zetsu, Itachi slips out of the car and gets behind Zetsu.

Itachi: Turn around.

Zetsu does what Itachi says and turns to face him. Itachi looks into Zetsu's eyes. Itachi's eyes are now red with black comma-shaped swirls around the pupils. He uses his eyes to hypnotize Zetsu.

Itachi: Back away from the car.

Zetsu does as Itachi says.

Itachi: You will not attack us. You will do as I tell you.

Zetsu nods slowly.

Itachi: Jonin officers and ANBU special operatives are going to come after us. You will stay here and get rid of them for us.

Zetsu (both halves): Yes. We shall comply.

Itachi: One last thing. My partner and I are part of an organization which accepts your behavior. If you join us, we will let you have many feasts.

Zetsu Black: No punishment...

Zetsu White: ...for eating humans?

Itachi: Precisely. Stay here until you receive further instruction.

Itachi gives Zetsu a cell phone. He gets back into the car with Kisame.

Itachi: Problem solved. Now... Quickly...

Kisame: Leader-san won't be happy when he hears we failed, but we can't continue if you die.

Itachi: Besides... We may not have the Kyuubi, but we have a new recruit to compensate.

4 hours later, 9:20 PM. Pein is standing in front of his desk, his arms crossed. His wife, Konan, walks into the room and stands beside him.

Konan: We should call them now.

Pein: Yes. You call Tobi, I'll call Zetsu.

Konan: I can't call Tobi, he won't listen to me.

Pein: But I need to talk to the new recruit.

Konan: You'll be able to when he comes.

Pein: I suppose so. Make sure that when you call him that you tell him you're calling in my place.

Konan: Alrighty.

Pein dials a number into his cell phone. It rings once, and is then answered.

Tobi: Is Leader-san calling him?

Pein: Yes I am. I need to speak with Madara.

About a minute of silence passes. Tobi begins to talk again, but he is now acting very different. He is now in the persona of Uchiha Madara.

Madara: Did you need something?

Pein: We've made a few changes. To add extra security, the group has adopted code names, to be used when on the field. You shall refer to yourself as Tres Cthulhu.

Madara: Lovecraft?

Pein: Pardon?

Madara: You're referring to me as one of the H.P. Lovecraft beasts.

Pein: You can blame Hidan. You haven't met him yet, but he's one of the new members. He's a bit of a smartass, but he'll be needed to achieve our goal.

Madara: Is that all?

Pein: There's more. I need you and the renegade to go to the City of Leaves, and then back here. There's another new member I want you to meet there. He also suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder. Multiple personalities.

Madara: I'm all too aware of the meaning of that disorder, Pein.

Pein: My apologies. Meet up with him there. He'll be waiting for you. Konan is speaking with him at the moment, filling him in. Also, you shall refer to him as Octo Pinhead.

Madara: Barker.

Pein: Come again?

Madara: Now you're referring to Clive Barker. This "Hidan" appears to enjoy horror fiction. He seems like a strange guy.

Pein: He's the man who brutally murdered those two females from the City of Leaves.

Madara: Oh. That guy. The actor. I would've never guessed. Is that all now?

Pein: Yes. Get to him ASAP.

Madara: One last thing.

Pein: Yes?

Madara: You're getting a bit too bossy again. You're only playing leader, remember your place.

Madara hangs up. Pein turns to his right and sees Konan at the farther end of the room, ending her call with Zetsu.

Konan: How soon can we expect them?

Pein: Sometime tomorrow, most likely. We'll see.

Present time, 12:00 AM. Zetsu emerges from the ground near the entrance to the City of Rain. True to the city's name, it is raining heavily. Zetsu opens the plant surrounding him, and Tobi jumps out.

Tobi: He thinks traveling that way is weird, Zetsu-san.

Zetsu Black: It was the fastest way to get here, according to your directions.

Zetsu White: Five days of walking is much too long.

Zetsu Black: Too long indeed.

Tobi points at Zetsu.

Tobi: It ate Deidara-senpai.

Zetsu Black: We're not that careless.

Zetsu bows down, and Deidara comes tumbling out of the plant, unconscious.

Tobi: Did it need to knock him out?

Zetsu White: He squirmed too much. We have short tempers.

Zetsu Black: If he kept it up, we would've had him for a snack.

Zetsu White: Indeed, a quick snack.

Tobi: Leader-san wouldn't like that. Leader-san would have to kill it.

Zetsu White: He kills people when angry?

Tobi is silent for a moment, and he twiddles his thumbs.

Tobi: Sometimes. It shoots them in the face. If it wants the guy to suffer, it shoots them in the limbs first. Then, it shoots them in the head. Very messy. He gets covered in blood and other stuff.

Zetsu White: You don't mind that he kills people?

Tobi: No. He knows there's lot of other things in the world. They won't care.

Zetsu Black: This leader's name is Oz, if we're not mistaken.

Zetsu White: Lenore told us.

Zetsu Black: But those aren't your real names.

Tobi: They need fake names when they're not together. He'll tell you his name when he gets back to Leader-san.

Deidara begins to stir. Zetsu notices and kicks him onto his back.

Zetsu Black: We should hurry. The renegade is waking up.

Tobi: OK. This way.

Tobi grabs Deidara and carries him on his back. The three eventually make their way to an alley. Tobi moves a garbage can, revealing a door. He knocks three times, and the door slowly opens.


	10. Phase 10: Finis

The final chapter... I really enjoyed writing this story, and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

* * *

Akatsuki: Occidio, Eradico

Phase 10

Finis

Present time, 12:05 AM. Every member of Akatsuki, besides Tobi, Zetsu, and Deidara, sit inside Pein's HQ. They are awaiting the arrival of the aforementioned three.

Pein: If Sasori hadn't died, we would've had 10 members now.

Konan: Why exactly do you want to recruit Sasori's killer, anyway?

Pein: It would've taken a very strong person with lots of skill to take Sasori down. He will be worth it.

Hidan: What if he gets a little trigger-happy and tries to kill any of us?

Kakuzu: That's not much of a concern for you, is it?

Itachi: If anything like that does happen, we can overpower him.

Kisame: I just hope it's worth it.

Itachi: You aren't thinking of backing out, are you?

Kisame: I've already gotten this far. Hell, we both could've died in the City of Leaves yesterday. If I backed down now, it wouldn't be worth it.

The group hears three knocks on the door.

Pein: Konan, the door.

Konan walks towards the door and opens it slowly. From the other side, Tobi walks in, with Deidara on his back and Zetsu close behind.

Pein: Zetsu, I presume.

Zetsu Black: You must be Oz, the leader.

Pein: My name is Pein, though you shall refer to me as Sir Leader, or Leader-san.

Pein rises from his seat behind his desk and begins to name the other members, gesturing to each of them.

Pein: The beautiful woman to my right here is my wife, Konan, AKA Lenore. You've spoken to her before. You've already met Cthulhu. The two men to my left are Uchiha Itachi, AKA Ticktock, and Hoshigaki Kisame, AKA Pennywise. The other two men farther in the back are Hidan, AKA Bizarro, and Kakuzu, AKA Mr. Electrico. Everyone, please welcome Zetsu, AKA Octo Pinhead.

Konan: Hiya.

Itachi and Kisame nod, Hidan waves, and Kakuzu gives Zetsu a cold stare.

Pein: The blonde-haired man on Tobi's back must be the renegade. I knew he'd retrieve him for me. And to think you doubted me, Kisame.

Kisame: My apologies, sir.

Tobi: The shark guy doubted him. Maybe Leader-san should kill it.

Kisame looks at Tobi, startled by his casual-sounding but disturbing remark.

Pein: I'm not going to kill anyone here, Tobi. Before I forget, Kakuzu has your uniforms.

Kakuzu walks towards Zetsu and Tobi and gives them each a black cloak, with embroidered red clouds. Deidara begins to stir again.

Tobi: Deidara-senpai is waking up.

Tobi drops Deidara on the floor. The sudden drop promptly wakes him up.

Deidara: OUCH! Damn Tobi, what the hell are you doing?!

Tobi: He brought you to the rainy place. See? Leader-san is over there. Leader-san will help you. He knows it. All his friends will help you too.

Deidara gets up from the floor. He looks around the room at all the other members.

Deidara: Looks more like a freak show than an organization.

Hidan: I don't like him. Let's kill him.

Tobi: NO! It won't kill Deidara-senpai! He doesn't even know you! Why are you here?

Pein: Settle down Tobi. That's Hidan, remember? I told you about him earlier.

Tobi falls to his knees and stares at the ground. He moves his finger on the ground, drawing invisible circles on the ground. He is silent for a moment.

Tobi: He remembers now. He's sorry. He wants to be a good boy.

Pein: It's alright. You are a good boy.

Hidan: What the hell is with this guy?

Pein: He's autistic. You can all get to know each other later. There's the matter of this... Deidara, was it?

Deidara: That's me... yeah. Now Tobi told me that you all know I shot Sasori. He says that if I don't join, you'll turn me in to the police in the City of Rock... yeah.

Pein: Yes, that was the plan.

Deidara: It doesn't matter if they go after me. If they do, I can get rid of them, and treat them to a marvelous display of artistic beauty at the same time... yeah. Observe.

Deidara puts his hands together. In a matter of moments, a clay figure of a butterfly is sitting on his palms. The butterfly flies into the air and explodes into small fireworks.

Hidan: So that's what you do? You make fireworks?

Deidara: That's not all I can do. I can make explosions of epic proportions, all in the shape of whatever I choose. Art is something that only exists for a moment, then goes away in a spectacular display of beauty. In short, art is a blast... yeah!

The remaining members in the room are silent.

Konan: Sasori was killed by some art house brat?

Kakuzu: Pathetic.

Deidara is baffled by their statements.

Deidara: So that's how it's gonna be... yeah? Just like the others in the City of Rock. No one appreciates my art. I'll show you. I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!

Deidara prepares to make another clay figure, when everyone in the room pulls out an array of different model guns in his direction.

Pein: I've changed my mind. I offered to protect you from the police if you joined. But now, I'll make a different offer. Either join us, or we'll kill you.

Deidara: Well, that DOES seem like an offer I can't refuse... yeah...

From behind Deidara, a small clay spider crawls down his back. It crawls across the room and latches itself to Hidan's back. Hidan feels the spider, and attempts to take it off. Before he can reach it, it explodes. Everyone but Tobi turns in Hidan's direction. A huge, gaping hole is left in his chest. Kakuzu, who was sitting across from Hidan, is soaked in blood.

Deidara: Is it really that easy to kill an Akatsuki?! Pathetic!

Deidara begins to laugh maniacally. His laughter is cut off when he sees Hidan rise from the floor, the hole still intact.

Hidan: Fuck, look what he did to me! Why does everyone always attack ME?! Shot in the head, shot in the arm, and my chest exploded, all in less than a week! I should kill that motherfucker right now!

Deidara stares at Hidan, wide-eyed in amazement. As he gapes, he feels something cold against the right side of his head. He sees Tobi from the corner of his eye, pressing the barrel of a revolver against the artist's head.

Tobi: Senpai... If Deidara-senpai hurts anyone else, he'll have to kill you.

Deidara is too shocked to move or speak. Sweat drips down his forehead. Kakuzu uses his tentacles to repair Hidan's open chest. The remaining Akatsuki members turn to Deidara.

Pein: So what will it be? Leave, and we'll kill you. But, if you stay... We'll give you immunity from the police, and full permission to get your revenge on the City of Rock. Do we have a deal?

Five days later, 12:00 PM. Pein and Konan stand outside the gate to the City of Leaves.

Pein: The city is still probably recovering from the attacks made by Ticktock, Pennywise, and Pinhead. Now is the perfect time to strike.

Konan: Oz, the Kyuubi is incredibly powerful, and he's not alone. Do you think we're prepared, even with only nine members?

Pein: I'm confident that we'll be able to capture him this time. We've recovered all the other Bijuu. The nine-tailed fox will be ours soon, I'm sure of it.

Pein talks into a small microphone attached to his neck.

Pein: Unus Oz and Duo Lenore to Quinque Ticktock and Sex Pennywise. Come in.

Itachi and Kisame are standing on a cliff overlooking the opposite side of the city.

Itachi: Quinque Ticktock and Sex Pennywise, in position, ready to move out.

Pein: Affirmative.

Konan talks into her microphone.

Konan: Duo Lenore and Unus Oz to Septem Bizarro and Quattuor Mr. Electrico, come in.

Hidan and Kakuzu are perched on top of a large building in the center of the city. The building is the home of the City Ambassador. Hidan is crouching, steadily holding a sniper rifle. Kakuzu talks into his microphone.

Kakuzu: Quattuor Mr. Electrico and Septem Bizarro, in position.

Konan: Affirmative. Duo Lenore and Unus Oz to Octo Pinhead. Come in.

Zetsu emerges from a wall in the alley Itachi previously hid inside during the fight with his brother.

Zetsu Black: This is Octo Pinhead, we're in position.

Zetsu White: Indeed we are.

Pein once again talks into his microphone.

Pein: Unus Oz and Duo Lenore to Tres Cthulhu and Novem Lestat, come in.

Tobi and Deidara are hovering over the city on a giant clay owl.

Deidara: Novem Lestat and tres Cthulhu, in position.

Pein: Affirmative. Everyone, wait for the signal from Bizarro.

Hidan remains at his perch. Kakuzu looks down from the building and sees a busty blonde-haired woman, wearing a green coat with the Japanese kanji for "Gamble" embroidered on the back. It is the City Ambassador.

Kakuzu: That's her. Steady your aim.

Hidan: I've got it, just hang on...

Hidan peers through the small scope on the rifle. He aims at the ambassador's head, and fires. She instantly goes down. A group of Jonin officers rush in beside her.

Hidan: Bizarro to everyone, the ambassador is down, I repeat, the ambassador is down.

Pein: Excellent. Pinhead, patrol the streets. Lestat and Cthulhu, attack from above. Bizarro and Mr. Electrico, stay in position until you receive further orders. Ticktock and Pennywise, meet with Lenore and I in the city square. We're going after Uzumaki Naruto.

Finis


End file.
